je ne conais pas

Like old crusted skin, boiled and dry, peels off with little effort to reveal a fresh new layer, soft and sensitive hiding just below. A small sting spreads as the flesh is torn; a welcomed and expected pain that comes with change. I just want to smile like that, and mean it.

Everybody Knows, Nobody Uses

Amplify | Boisterous | Copious | Dreadful | Elusive
Flippant | Garish | Horrendous | Integrity | Jubilant
Kinetic | Lustrous | Marred | Notorious | Oblivious
Poise | Quell | Reprieve | Savor | Toil | Utterly
Verbose | Whimsical | Yearning | Xeric | Zealous

The True Enemy

The biggest mistake that I find myself making is the one where I forget who my true enemy is. I throw my anger and frustration at friends, family, coworkers, strangers, God. I blame those around me for the suffering, the oppression, the terror. The truth that often escapes me is the simple fact the should be so easy to regard, is often the one that is farthest from me. The true enemy is Sin; my own depravity. In my failing memory I often excuse or even justify "small" sins, habitual sins, "little" sins. I embrace my own enemy while questioning the God who saved me from it.
Lord, give ear to my prayer and hide not yourself from my plea of mercy! God save me from what I consider "casual" sin. Reveal to me the depth of your sacrifice made on my behalf.
You oh God have removed my sin from me, You have saved me from my own destruction.
You hear my voice, You listen to my cries of anguish. God I trust You for You know me.

-->

Shadows dance away from flickering lights cast long against the street. Sirens scream by chasing flames rising above a distant half-burnt house. Her face does not attempt to hide the intent of the meeting. Vulnerable to curious eyes she is thrown into a small alleyway nearby. Beauty lies between her lips going well with the deceit beneath her eyelashes. On any other occasion this woman is confident with her body. Her neck would stand strong flaunting her heart shaped face and smooth complexion accented with dark lipstick and blue eyes hidden by lashes lacking color, darker than cosmetics could attempt.With any other audience, this lady would wreak havoc with her words, putting a man with little discipline into a state of strong lustful urges. Tonight, however, this woman can no longer use her breasts to escape her vulnerability. Her desperate attire cannot affect the man that now stands just three feet away hiding in shadow. No, this man is a large concrete wall, invincible to her pleads, This man does not know the softness of a woman’s touch, therefore cannot understand how misleading it can be. As he steps out from the shadows, the withered face of a scarred man reveals no mercy.

His ability to hide all emotion is something that keeps his phone ringing. When asked to clean up a messy situation where a young woman kills a crime-lord out of self-defense, he doesn’t flinch. The fact that she is only nineteen does not add to the level of difficulty in the mark.  She now stands a few feet in front of the bulldog of a man.
            What happens next is expected but not hoped for. The lady is no longer worried about her fashioned look, Her primped attire. Tears smear her makeup, condensation soak her dress. Right then God himself sets the mood for this night. Rain begins to fall. It takes only a moment for the tall man to reach inside his coat to find his only treasure. Her knees bruise as they hit the ground, the attire that clung to her skin now more wretched than desirable. Her eyes are washed of seduction; her age begins to show through the paint that was once lathered on her face. Lust is no longer her most notable outfit. Weakness wraps itself around her body puling like gravity to the wet cement.

The sharp steel of guilt stabs itself into the scarred man’s rib cage. He has felt the cold feel of foreign metal before beneath his skin, but this was far worse. As if awoken from a dream, the faces of his past victims, both young and old, come screaming back to plead for the life of the teenager before him. The guilt acts as a poison. It works its way through his blood-pumping organ, spreading through his chest before crawling down his limbs. His weapon, now feels like a dead weight pulling his arms away from the girl, the man needs both hands to keep it steady. He has more than enough money to make her invisible; no one would ever find her.

The hammer clicks back into place.

Scarlet red mixes well with the ever-falling water as it streams down the sidewalk and into a gutter where the sewer rats enjoy the added sweetness in their drink. The flash of remorse on his face will go unremembered; no one alive will ever see this moment of restrain. To the world he never makes a mistake, he never regrets a target. Yet as he walks away from the alley, her soul joins the rest to plead for the life of his next victim.  He will never forget her face.

 The sirens ring on.

Till Death do us part.

Oh my dear,

You have never been this lovely

Your eyelids sparkle almost naturally.

Not a single hair

 Is out of place.

A snowy white dress

 Outlines your figure without flaw.

 All of our friends and family

Are here inside this little chapel.

Smiles stretch as they remember

The wonderful times we’ve had.

Salty drops of water stains the cheeks

As they realize

 A new season has begun

You almost hold a smile

As if a secret hides behind your eyes.

No one can see behind

The long lashes holding

Those large blue moons of yours.

In front of the long lined pews

You never move.

The wood croaks

As though the weight

Of all the people

Finding rest upon their shoulders

Has become too much to bear.

Honey, you filled the room.

I am here at the front

Waiting for a miracle.

My nicest suit pressed and cleaned,

Rests upon my shoulder,

Buttons to my stomach

Clings tightly to my waist

Wraps like seaweed to my legs.

You deserve the best from me.

I sense despair is creeping

Inside me, as I stare

Into your custom home.

The wooden box

You find yourself encased.

How strange to think

Of your new bed here,

Cold and in the ground

As opposed to where

It used to be

Warm, curled up to me.

Now I feel the weight

The long brown pews sing on about.

2012: Start

This is it. This is the start. A beginning to something new. Such a subtle movement, a simple transition. If you weren't paying attention you would never notice. So strange how such vivid memories can be torn down with such little regard. I am becoming something, transforming into a being. I can't say I am excited, I am not even sure where this leads. But today is a new day.

My chest moves slowly. it's knows. My eyes are wide, blissful with excitement. My feet are ready, pressed forward, muscles straining. The stars are changing, the moon smiles. Everything is quiet, at ease for this moment, this single moment. We see the sands falling into their place, the plastic cube lingers on the corner, the second hand resists before stepping into place... then it begins. Suddenly rushed, spiraling into fierce magnificent blends of color and emotion. Like a practiced dance the long creatures dance in a manner that creates light, expansive and mysterious; moving yet without chaos.

And I am content. My heart beats faster as my body begins to relax. I know I am not giving up. I am simply beginning.